I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
one might say we're banned from that church
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
