i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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