it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize