I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hippo gnu deer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
