i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
