Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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