I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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