i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
