The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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