Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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