Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
