i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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