I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
