I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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