Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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