I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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