It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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