this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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