I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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