she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
