she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
