The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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