i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
