The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
