it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
