I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
