just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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