True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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