I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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