i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
