Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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