My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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