what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
