His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
