at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize