He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
