i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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