I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
