We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
