9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize