i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
