I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
