Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
