just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
