I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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