i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
