my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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