I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
