i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
