we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize