last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
