remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
