i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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