i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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