She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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