From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
