Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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