me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
