What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I skipped work to stalk him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
