Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
