Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
