I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
