Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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