Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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