I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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