Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
