I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
