This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
