Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
