We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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