I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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