Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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