Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
