I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
