So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
