Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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