Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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