You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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