Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
