Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
