wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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