did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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